got 6 small council: hold the door

Lots of crying, no blood spilled. Overall successful wedding.

Lots of crying, no blood spilled. Overall successful wedding.

Yes, yes, we didn’t live react to episode 4 because NOBODY IS PERFECT, ok? We gotta work it, Valar Morgulis, etc etc. But this week, the usual minions and I, plus our dearest fangirling friend Ricki Beigh, reunited to pregame a wedding. And by pregame I mean watch Game of Thrones. Thankfully, no one at the (real life) wedding we attended (yes, we have friends) was killed. Just a lovely ceremony, delicious food, and rowdy dancing. Very tame on the Game of Thrones scale.

 

LAST EPISODE RECAP

Daenerys walks out the fire like byeeeeee khals <3

Ricki: WHERE did this come from? Literally out of nowhere.

Sarah: Lol yeah Daenerys was getting boring so they brought back the cool burning people thing.

Rick: No no I mean like she was burning alive… Since when can she just survive fire like that?!

We have to remind Ricki of the slightly crucial fire survival / birthing of dragons scene in season one.

Catie: Ok can we just complain for like two seconds? I know someone who’s new to Game of Thrones and just skipping around episodes. Not watching every one in order. And I’m like…. that’s not ok at all.

      distracting lengthy discussion on our hotel’s food situation because these people are hungry bitches –

SANSA AT THE WALL

Rick: I cried like a lil baby when Sansa and Jon Snow were reunited.

Cat: Their height disparity reminds me of Ginny and Harry.

Rick: Oh no no lol. I love that she’s just tearing Petyr apart in this scene.

Cat: I don’t trust him… he knew that Ramsay was an ass, right?

Sar: Yeah he 100% knew that Ramsay was a psycho and he sold her to the Boltons any way. He totally betrayed her.

Rick: I wish she told him about how Ramsay made Theon watch them. That was so scarring.

Steve, clearly invested: I’m going to get food, anyone want some?
(I’m going to kick him out of this group very soon.)

Cat: Bring me back something fun. But like not food-related, animal-related.

Sansa, staring coldly: What do you think he did to me?
Petyr: I can’t begin to contemplate…


Rick: SHUT UP PETYR

Brienne: Lady Sansa asked you a question.

Cat: Yas Brienne. I think they’d make such a good lady couple.

Rick: I want Sansa to be queen.

Sar: I would love to see that. And Arya would be hand.

Cat: I still can’t figure out what Littlefinger’s endgame is.

Rick: I think he’s trying to get himself in with everyone he can just so he can be safe.
But I swear if Ramsay doesn’t have the most horrible death… Do you remember when he skinned that old woman who helped Sansa alive and he showed Sansa her body and said “Her heart didn’t stop beating until I reached her neck”? That was when I was like, ok this man has to die a horrible death.

Cat: I don’t think anyone in this show is brutal enough to do that though.

Sar: I totally think Sansa could. And should. She’s become so tough.

Cat: I didn’t think he would kill his dad either, I thought he cared too much about his approval.

Rick: At first when he stabbed his dad, I thought that Roose had actually stabbed Ramsay and I was SO mad that he got killed that easily.

ARYA

That mean girl who’s always beating up Arya is – surprise! – still beating up Arya.

Cat: I don’t like this girl either.

Sar: Yeah what is her deal?

Cat: Also who is Jaqen?

Rick: Yeah every time that girl is bullying Arya, that guy is just standing in the corner watching and he’s like, “She’s right, you know”.
I’m so confused, what’s supposed to happen with Arya? Who is she gonna kill? Why is she doing this? She has to be doing it for some reason in the plot.

Sar: Yeah I think it would be cool if she got to assassinate people off of her original list.

Rick: Maybe she’ll end up killing Cersei because the actress she’s killing is the one who plays Cersei on stage.
Also my other question is how do they decide who to kill? Are they just getting paid?

Cat: I think it’s payment right?

Sar: Or is it a metaphorical thing where when he says “the price has been paid”? Like he really means that the woman who’s supposed to be killed has done something wrong in life so her time has come?

Cat: That’s a good point, but then doesn’t that take the religious aspect out of it if they’re the ones deciding who dies? I thought they’re supposed to get orders from the god.

Sar: It’s better than just being paid assassins though. And maybe the god is the one who tells them if the price has been paid. Maybe they are the god and that’s the meaning of the “Many Faces”. They are death. They decide.

Cat: True. She looks crazy with her hair like this.

Rick: Yeah it’s ridiculous.

Sar: I kinda like it hehe.
Have you guys seen the thing about Arya playing herself in this scene?

Relevant info pointed out to me by a fellow nerd in our GoT groupme, screengrabs from HBO.

Relevant info pointed out to me by a fellow nerd in our GoT groupme, screengrabs from HBO.

 Rick: Woah, no!

Sar: Yeah like full circle from season one. So it could make sense for her to kill Cersei for real. Maybe she’ll become an actress and kill the other actress woman right on stage.

Arya creeps backstage.

Rick: Ew I hate this penis.

Sar: I feel like they just put that in here because people are always complaining that we see so many naked females and not enough males.

Cat: I thought that when Cersei did her walk of shame that was the first time we saw a dick?

Sar: No we saw the wine merchant who tried to poison Dany when they made him strip and walk behind the khalasar.

BRAN

Sar: Doesn’t the actor who plays the guy they made the original white walker look like a Targaryen soldier we’ve seen recently?

Cat: He definitely looks familiar.
It’s so interesting that they created the White Walkers to protect them and they’re the things that ultimately destroy them.
You played Zelda, right Steve? Don’t the Children of the Forest look like Princess Ruto?

Steve: I have no idea what you’re talking about.

Cat, frustrated by her solo nerd status: You know, you have to save her from Lord Jabu-Jabu's stomach to get the spiritual stone?! …Never mind.

She later sent me this pic for clarification. c/o Legend of Zelda.

She later sent me this pic for clarification. c/o Legend of Zelda.

THEON & YARA

Cat: Ok so there’s the Many Faced God, the Drowned God, the Old, the New…

Steve: The fire god.

Cat: Yeah, the Lord of Light. So when they say the Old gods and the New, the New are the 7 right?

Sar: Maiden, Mother, Crone, Smith, Warrior, Father, Stranger.
The Stranger is death.

Cat: Yeah so isn’t the Many Faced God kind of the Stranger then?

Euron tells the Iron Islanders about Daenerys and her need for a fleet. He proceeds to talk about his big dick. Of all her suitors, he is the least likely to impress Daenerys with his mansplaining. I hope her dragons eat him.

Sar: How does he know for sure? Was he like casually lurkin around Dany and we missed it or did he just hear rumors? That’s a lot to risk if you haven’t seen her and her dragons for yourself.

The creepy priest drowns Euron to make him king.

Cat: What they don’t talk about is that in the books, this priest is the other brother. He forsook the throne to became a crazy dude who lives in caves and lets algae grow on his body and junk.

Steve: So that’s kinda like how the maester at the Wall is a Targaryen?

Cat: Is it possible to like un-drown yourself without the Heimlich and stuff?
(Did she mean to say CPR…?)

Steve: Yeah. Not likely but yeah you totally can.

(Not sure how he is an expert on this)

Cat: I’m so confused cause in the book, the Kingsmoot was a huge deal, it took up like at least half of the chapters.

Sar: Yeah but I think they’re trying to wrap up all of the politics in this season and then have next season be mainly the War of Ice and Fire. Cause next season is probably the last one, right?

Rick: Yeah there are only 16 episodes after this, they’re doing two mini seasons.

Sar: OMG if we only get 8 episodes and then have to wait another year I’m gonna lose my freaking mind.

DANY

Jorah shows Dany his stone arm and confesses his love. In front of the man she’s sleeping with. #awkwaaard
Dany tells Jorah he’s not allowed to leave her, he has to find the cure and survive this stone-skin shit because she needs him by her side when she takes the 7 kingdoms. It’s kind of adorable.

Cat: I’m really proud of her because she’s normally so tough but this is how I would have reacted too. Also I feel like that’s incredibly important that she says she “needs” him instead of wants him. 

Sar: Side note - I thought it was really interesting that everyone just bowed to her without asking any questions, like they weren’t even surprised that this nude woman just burned down all their leaders and somehow survived. I would be like, WTF is going on here bro?!

Cat: Yeah but that’s kind of their culture.

Sar: I guess yeah they do just follow the best warrior.

Cat: And she just killed all their best warriors and came out unscathed. So she wins.

MEEREEN

Cat: Missandei tho is freaking killing it with the pant and the crop combo. Totally influenced by what’s going on in fashion now.

Sar: This storyline in particular does seem to have the most modern design influences for some reason.

Steve: I think they should just fast forward got a couple centuries and do like steampunk Game of Thrones or something.

Cat and Sar: LOL noooo.

Sar: The nerds would love that.

Tyrion is trying to talk to the High Priestess and she is just blankly staring at him.

Cat: I love when Tyrion gets flustered. If people don’t speak to him he gets very uncomfortable.

Sar: Yas I love all the awkward moments they’ve been having this season.

Cat: I don’t trust this though, it doesn’t make sense that the other fire priestess is supporting Jon?

Sar: Well she explains that here, she’s like “everyone must play their part”.

Also what if Jon and Dany are both Targaryens and they team up? What if they’re both the Prince who was Promised, instead of there just being one? They could be like twin Jesuses or something.

BRAN

Cat: He’s only been in like two memories so far and you better bet if that was me, I would not go walk around and get cozy with all the White Walkers.

Rick: Wasn’t the tree that Bran has been in protecting the Wall from the White Walkers and now that the Ice King has touched Bran, they can go south of the Wall too?

Cat: Yeah it’s kind of like when Voldemort got Harry’s blood in his system so that he could touch him without dying. Now he can follow Bran anywhere.

BACK AT THE WALL

Cat: I really love Davos. He would be such a good hand. Cause he’s such a good dad!
I don’t like Jon’s hair slicked back like that. It looks gross.

Sar: OKAY we already discussed this but like I feel like most spells only require one lock of hair & the Red Woman just went a lil crazy like "OK it's time for a haircut Jonny boy, you can't be back in the world of the living with that mane!!"

Rick: I don’t want them to (Brienne and Sansa) be separated
Every time someone gets separated on this show, terrible things happen.

Sar: Yeah like the whole freaking stark family is dead now because they split up. Remember when Brienne fights the Hound for Arya because she says, “I swore to protect your mother so I have to protect you too” and Arya’s just like, “Why is my mom dead then?” Like Brienne always swears herself to people and then just wanders around without them.

Cat: It’s like if you saw a drunk friend downtown and were like, “I really care about you, I want you to get home safe! Byeeee”

Steve: I can’t tell if Sansa and Jon are just rekindling friendship or if they’re flirting?

Rick: Oh God, rekindling. NOOO. Rekindling.

Sar: No Jon is too busy having a thing w Ed lol

Jon and Ed have a romantic embrace before Jon leaves forever. Feel the bromance <3

Cat: Yeah I like cried when he and Sansa saw each other and hugged because they’ve been through so much but she didn’t even like him before, she was too much like Catelyn and Cat always hated him.

Sar: It makes it even more special that they had that tough relationship before and now are united by everything that’s happened to them.

Rick: Exactly. I cried, I cried so hard.

Sar: I like too that they had that kind of redemption scene before Cat died where she talked about how she first wished for Jon to die, then he got a fever and she felt so bad and prayed to the gods, “If you save this boy I’ll make him one of us and I’ll be a mother to him”. And then she got real dramatic and was like, “I didn’t keep my promise and everything bad that has happened since then is my fault.” Which is too far. But at least she recognized that she should have just loved Jon Snow.

BRAN AGAIN

Cat: To keep comparing this to Harry Potter, it’s like when the Death Eater couldn’t find the Order of the Phoenix headquarters but then they grabbed Hermione’s cloak and were able to follow them there. Like something about physical touch.

Rick: Bran really has grown on me.

Sar: Yeah I like that he and Theon both finally serve a purpose this season.

The three-eyed Raven’s body flakes away like dust when he’s killed.

Sar: Voldemort, is that you?

Hodor holds the door.

Rick: HOLD THE DOOR D’:
I really hope he doesn’t turn into a White Walker, I’ll be so upset.

Sar: My brother told me this scene didn’t affect him and I was like wtf is wrong with you.

Cat: Yeah… not saying that Tommy is a sane person but like he’s kind of right.

Steve: Yeah I don’t really get why everyone’s so upset.

Sar and Rick: WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU GUYS?

Steve: He served his life’s purpose! That’s all he needed to do!

Sar: So you’re telling me you would be happy if Bran turned you into a mentally handicapped person and you didn’t get to live a full life because all that mattered from you was that one moment:?

Steve: He did live a full life because he fulfilled his purpose! I would just hope that if it was me I’d do the same!

Sar: Omg you’re insane.

Cat tells us about a guy who has been texting her solely messages that say “Hodor” and “Hold the door” repeatedly. I think this means he wants to marry her.