to los angeles, with love
I have found you a wonderfully strange and foreign city.
Too often have I let myself be deceived and deluded by your glittering charms. I have weathered one too many weeks of spiteful sunlight, begging for the relief of clouds and storms and rain. I put my soul and my dreams into the hands of strangers in your streets, hoping someone would help me grow. In return, you broke my heart twice and left me without a dollar to my name.
Within your limits, I kissed a stranger on a dance floor for the first time. I dreamt of snakes and spiders and former lovers. I got high and hated it. I belted along to my Camry’s fuzzy radio, a stadium starlet in my mind. I was at war with more zits than I knew were allowed for a 24-year-old. I stopped consuming gluten and cow’s milk. I stood on rocky beaches and wondered what it felt like far away out in the ocean. I came to know an odd and lovely array of people. I saw the difference that kindness can make. I experienced magic, or at least something like it.
You broke me down and built me back up. You gave me independence, sureness of self, and a dear, cozy family of friends whom I cherish. You reminded me of my will to love and survive and dance with everyone. To learn and cry and laugh and laugh. I’m not sure I’d choose to do it all the same way again, but I know i’m better for it.
Maybe I will miss you, but I’ve been so longing to go. I‘ll be back for you, but I can’t promise when or for how long.
I hate you, I love you. Thank you for everything. Goodbye ♡