toast & tea: fuck veganism, fuck realism, fuck trump!
“Time for you and time for me,
And time yet for a hundred indecisions,
And for a hundred visions and revisions,
Before the taking of a toast and tea.”
- T. S. Eliot
MY BOYFRIEND WANTS ME TO BE A VEGAN BUT I JUST CAN'T EVEN. LIKE, FISH ARE FRIENDS AND FOOD. I REALLY DON'T WANT TO DO IT BUT HE'S MY SOULMATE AND I LOVE HIM. HE SAYS IT'S A DEAL BREAKER. PLS T&S, WUT DO I DO? :(
Dear Fish Food,
Short answer: Fuck veganism. Fuck your boyfriend. (Figuratively, not literally).
Long, overly serious answer: While there are multiple sources showing that going meatless occasionally is extremely beneficial to your health and environment (see: Meatless Monday), if veganism is not practical in your daily life, it could more likely hurt your health than do any good. Real talk, I’ve seen too many friends disguise unhealthy eating disorders as “veganism” or just eat potato chips and desserts all the time because they’re technically “vegan” food items. This doesn’t exactly seem valuable. Humans were meant to eat meat. Fish were meant to be food. Sorry not sorry.
I’m also glad that you brought up the subject of deal breakers, because I’ve recently come to the conclusion that they basically don’t exist. You may have a long list of dos and don’ts for your perfect mate, but the reality is that we control just about nothing in our small little lives. And when you meet your soulmate, they most likely will not be the perfect person you envision.
Characteristics, like veganism, that you two clash on are either something that 1. He learns to deal with because he loves you, 2. You learn to change because you love him, or 3. You break up because you realize that this small symptom is just a sign of a larger problem: you don’t belong together. Sounds to me like your boyfriend is a pretentious controller, so I’d recommend option 3.
Pleased To Meat You,
I AM A MAN INTRIGUED BY THE KILT THING THAT JADEN SMITH AND KANYE HAVE BEEN DOING - HOW CAN I ACHIEVE THIS LOOK IN A REALISTIC SETTING?
Dear To Kilt Or Not To Kilt,
I think it was Mary Kay Ash of Mary Kay Cosmetics (© Mad Men) who said, “What you believe, you can achieve.” Could have been Gandhi though. Or Mother Willow. Obama? A true multi-coin toss up! Not unlike finding a good plaid. Because there are bad plaids.
What I mean to say is this: “achieving a look” is all about Y-O-U. As it stands, if a dude steps out of the house wearing anything other than a dirty t-shirt and last decade’s jeans - he’s a visionary. Historically low expectations abound. But that’s changing. We’ve entered a phat-astic era for menswear. If you are a male in the year of our lordt 2016, it’s time to get on the men’s fashion funicular and climb, climb, climb. Be the first to embrace peripheral trends and the world may grant you a large instagram following or even a compliment. Kilts R Kool. And ~masculine~ if that’s an issue for you. But it shouldn’t be. You’re reading a blog.
And they’re socio-functional! Like a sieve for uninteresting humanoids, wearing a kilt is guaranteed to attract the attention of only the truly *woke*, sifting away people you’d waste precious energy and eye -rolling on. There’s a man on my street who wears a kilt everyday (he might be Scottish/an ancient King) and no one gives him shit because, well, he has a cane and that could get dangerous. But also because he’s KILT-KOOL.
As for a “realistic setting” - doesn’t matter because we’re all living in some moth’s fevered trance as it approaches the cosmic porch light of the fifth realm, beta 7 - AND YOU CAN’T DISPROVE IT, YOU CAN’T.
So fuck realism, wear a kilt, air it out, & get jiggy.
Zip Zap Zoop,
WHO IS WORSE: DONALD TRUMP OR DOLORES UMBRIDGE? I CAN'T DECIDE!
Dear Internet Gryffindor,
I’m not sure this is even really an advice question… nonetheless, it MUST be addressed. This problem is one of simple algebra. If Trump’s evil (T) is greater than Voldemort’s evil (V), does that make it greater than Umbridge’s evil (U) as well? We simply have to determine if V is in fact, greater than U, making T the greatest of all evils.
T > V ? U
J.K. Rowling has already specifically addressed the fact that Donald J. Trump is a worse human being than Tom M. Riddle. This may or may not have something to do with the fact that Donald Trump is real, and really wants to rid our country of anyone he deems less worthy than he and his misogynistic, white supremacist followers.
But, since her ink and paper inception in 2003, there has been constant debate among Potterheads over whether or not Umbridge is more evil than Voldemort. The power-hungry teacher is certainly more tangible and therefore hateable than an over-zealous wizard Hitler. It’s hard to imagine that as a real scenario. Or it was, until people started taking Donald Trump’s bid for presidency seriously.
You must determine for yourself if you think Umbridge or Voldemort is worse, but what I can tell you is this: Donald Trump is real. Which in my opinion makes him scarier and more evil than any book character. This election will really, truly affect your daily life, your civil liberties, and your America. So voting now becomes more important than any fictional debate, or possibly any election we have previously had in our great history.
The only advice I can give you is to take your civic duty very seriously. Vote. Do not underestimate the power of your voice and do not take for granted the great freedom and privilege you have. I like to think that J.K. would agree with me.