toast & tea: love and other skirts
“Time for you and time for me,
And time yet for a hundred indecisions,
And for a hundred visions and revisions,
Before the taking of a toast and tea.”
- T. S. Eliot
scaredy sharks by @toddoldham
MY BF AND I HAVE BEEN TOGETHER FOR 4 YEARS. WHEN IS THE APPROPRIATE TIME TO MOVE IN TOGETHER?
Dear Potential Nester,
As I’m sure you’d be the first to point out - four years is a long time. But is it the appropriate time to take the plunge and exist together under one roof? Is 1,460 days of knowing a person long enough to determine if you can mix finances and groceries, alarm clock tones and (perhaps most important) bathroom space?
Like most big decisions that involve the humans we care about, you probably know the answer already. Gut feelings are typically right when it comes to our heart-stomachs. They know what will make them full. But if you need justification past “I felt it in my chest, Ma!” let’s work out a more concrete explanation through the best way I know possible: metaphor!
“Moving in together” is like a giant whale. It’s heavy. It’s too big to define simply. If standing right in front of it, contemplating it, you’re forced to take in details - what’s in the immediate field of vision.Like, how much would one of these cost? Will it hurt me if I get too close? Does it have teeth? How many? Sharp? Maybe they’re stubby? What’s baleen?
Teeth or not, a giant whale is definitely capable of swallowing a person. But it’s just as likely to be gentle, as long as you’re prepared to face it. You’ll need confidence. Strong lungs. A killer (kriller) swimsuit. Sure it will have bumps, and it will definitely smell, but in the end you will have experienced a GIANT WHALE. Be proud and swim on.
Wishing you calm seas and sunshine,
T
HOW SHORT OF A SKIRT IS TOO SHORT?
Dear Lady Lengthwise,
A simple question, yet one that has defined every generation in history. Pre-history, even! According to the internet (which is never wrong), archaeologists have found artistic depictions and physical specimens proving that Ancient Egyptians and others before them donned the miniskirt. How very mod of them.
Something I discovered in Dress History class was that during every wave of the women’s liberation movement, clothes were loosened and skirts were shortened. Short skirts and a lack of chest-binding contraptions have been championed by suffragettes, mod mavens, flower children, and the third / fourth wave feminists we’ve become today (more reading material here and here). So this issue clearly has a direct correlation to the social and stylistic mobility of women in society.
As far as where your hemline should be in this age of radical empowerment, well, it should be wherever you want it to be. Male or female, straight or queer, I firmly believe all humans should wear whatever the hell they want. It’s already been happening in street style, but I think we’ll soon see the slow but sure gender progress of recent years adopted on runways as well. Short skirts for ladies, short skirts for everyone! Or long if that’s your cup of tea. No skirt at all if you’re feeling particularly pantsy today!
Your scanty sister suffragette,
S
HOW DO I KNOW IF THE PERSON I'M DATING IS WORTH MY TIME? IS THERE EVEN SUCH THING AS "THE ONE" ?
Dear Long Lost Love,
*Cue music from the arguably most horrible Disney movie of all time* How do you knoooow?
I don’t know. No one really knows. Except that when you know, you know. Ya know?
In my many years of failed experiences with “love,” this is what I’ve come up with. It’s about a sense of sureness. It’s not about how much you like being held by another living, breathing, snot-filled human or how much you'll miss the idea of a relationship when it’s gone. It’s about how sure you are that this person brings something worth having to your life. Do they bring more positives to your table than negatives? If you’re sure of that, then it’s worth it. For now.
Whether or not you believe in aliens, a universal destiny, or some sort of big Mufasa-like character in the clouds who has a plan for you, I would argue that there are right people for you at right times. Maybe you really will find “the one,” maybe you’ll have different “ones” for you across the course of your life.
All I can tell you is that if you’re asking the question, it doesn’t sound like you’re very sure. If you’re in the relationship just to be in one, or because you feel obligated to be, or because you haven’t had the courage to voice your doubts and set out on your own, you’re not in it for the right reasons.
Staying with the wrong person takes away from your time to be your own right person. I believe that singleness is not something to be fixed or feared, but something every person should experience and take advantage of. Because isn’t that the greatest love story? The process of learning to love yourself. Once you accomplish that, you’ll know how to love others. And then you’ll have your right answer.
Yours in love and narcissism,
S
PS - After watching that Enchanted clip, I really didn’t hate it. Mulan 2 is definitely more horrible.
WHAT'S THE DEAL WITH WINE SPRITZERS?
Dear You,
No.
Sincerely,
T